My First Meaningful Adult Experience

So far I have been an "adult" for a little over a year and one of my most meaningful experiences, wasn't all that exciting, and amazing. However, it was very important to me. This experience led to my first adult decision.

High-school was ending and I was pretty certain that I would attend the University of North Texas in the fall. I had already paid for dorms and accepted enrollment, I was prepared to attend. Then I happened to have a conversation with my culinary arts teacher that I guess you could say changed my life. I told her my future plans and expected to get the common response I got from teachers, but she gave me advice. She explained that perhaps I should go to junior college first seeing as it has a large difference in price from university.

I was stubborn at first and had so many reasons why I didn't want to do that, even though junior college was more practical I did not see it that way. I had reasons that I didn't want to stay in town due to my odd living situation and trivial high-school things. I also wanted to branch out and experience new things, as well as meet new people. My intended major was and technically still is Political Science, I felt that going to a junior college would be a hindrance on that. However, the more I thought about it I realized that college should be a long term decision that I put more thought into. In the end I made what I felt like was my first adult decision and I made the decision to stay in town for school. Occasionally I do wish I was at a university especially since all of my friends went off to universities, it felt like I had to make new friends which was kind of what I wanted at university anyway.

This adult experience was initiated by the first teacher to have an adult conversation with me. This was very important because later on I thought about my actions much more clearly thus making it one of the most meaningful adult experiences I have had.

What I Plan to do for This Research Paper

My initial "Analytical Comparison between Two Poems" essay is about love and relationships, I used the poems "Valentine" and "Hate Poem".

I am going to revise my second paper into a research paper by expanding on the hate in relationships, and the negative aspects perhaps. I feel that it will be difficult to research this topic and include into my paper smoothly, but my goal is to prove that relationships aren't just the fluff that you normally see them as. In order to do this I have started by jotting down some key points that I would like to include into my paper, and looking for that when doing my actual researching. Next while researching I usually have a copy of my paper around and am able to read through and see where I may be able to include a particular thing.

So far, I have only found two secondary sources. I have found that researching this topic is slightly more difficult than the other topics. If my search queries aren't very specific, and if my word choice is off. The first day of researching in class I found pretty much nothing, I have decided to both expand and refine what I am looking for. Doing so will help me find more relevant sources.

Researching is different from the other two essays, because I am not just including my thoughts. I am also using the thoughts of others and providing analysis. Using secondary sources will help me solidify my claims. The “Analytical Comparison of Two Poems” essay was purely what I thought about the topic of the poem. While the earlier essay analyzed two poems this essay is analyzing important aspects of the poems, and hopefully expanding upon them.

Two poems that address similar subjects are "Dinner Out" by Christopher Howell and "Onions" by William Matthews. Both have sensory details that appeal to our sense of taste.

Although these poems both have an overall subject of food I feel they have separate underlying meanings.

"Dinner Out" describes the scenery and setting and the distance between the speaker and his family. Dinner out is a poem about the speaker and his family being together, and what appears to be him looking back at the memory. Although he and his family are together it seems they are not emotionally together inn the poem  it seems that there is distance between him and his family or father. When the speaker's father asks "How you doing, son". The next stanza says "Fine, Dad. Great, Really" however this doesn't appear to be dialogue.

"Onions" by William Mathews describes only the onions, "How easily happiness begins by dicing onions". This poem seems to be about emotion, specifically happiness. The speaker uses the onions to talk about happiness yet states, "It's true it can make you weep". Which I feel is ironic that he begins speaking of the happiness but contrasts that with a human action that usually depicts sadness.

In my opinion both poems approach their subject of food with a sense of irony, because the speaker in "Dinner Out" seems to be alone though with his family "we climbed in together and drove and drove, though we hadn't far to go", and "Onions" with its description of "Happiness" and "weeping".
While the two poems are about different things both include a setting of sitting down and eating. I feel both poets did this for a reason, sitting down and eating a meal with other people does evoke emotions both good and bad and these poems touch on either side of that.

Questions on "The Russian Greatcoat"

Theodore Deppe’s “The Russian Greatcoat” left me with great intrigue and curiosity, because the fact that such small details leave open such great questions. Some of them I can make an inference on and others I have no clue.

The first question I had on the work was why did the character demand that the coat be thrown into the “Ohio”?

The first stanza led me to do some research on what a “Russian Greatcoat” is as well as a "Dostoevsky coat". To my understanding a Russian Greatcoat is an overcoat. Dostoevsky is an author who influenced Russian literature. I made an inference that “the Ohio” refers to a river which research tells me is true. Now moving back to my question why did the character that the speaker was with want him to throw his overcoat into the river. My only answer could be that it had to do with the need of disconnect from material things. My research helped come up with that because I saw something about a story about someone taking great care with their coat and loving it. Also the character refers to it as a “five dollar” coat. A coat that appears to be on the more expensive side, well above five dollars. I feel that the character makes it out to be a lower price to say that it is worthless. The speaker states that he did it “simply because you asked”.

My next question is why does the speaker say “At first, I evade the question when my wife asks/as if just thinking of you were an act of betrayal”?

My first thought was perhaps the speaker was with a mistress, but after re-reading I felt the speaker was not with a lover. When the speaker mentions sharing a cigarette with the character I feel that perhaps that maybe this character brought back a life the speaker no longer had and that is why simply thinking of them was an act of betrayal. I feel this because in the first two lines of the poem the speaker describes a scene much different from the rest. In the first lines he is with his children and his wife on a beach but the rest of the poem he is on a bridge with this particular character.

Something I wonder is was the speaker married to his wife while the scene with the coat was happening. I wonder this because the narrator begins describing the scene with “Years ago” but also says that when his wife asks he evades the question. Knowing whether or not he was married to his wife would remove the idea that he was cheating on his wife and help with the question of why it was an act of betrayal.

Questions that remained unanswered for me was why does the speaker end with “Sometimes I can go weeks without remembering”.

The only thing I can infer from that is perhaps something traumatic happened that he tries to forget but cannot, however nothing else in the text really supports that.

Details in Stitches: A Memoir

What commanded my attention most in Stitches: A Memoir was the detail that David Small includes in his book. Because it's a quick read I find that it was easy to overlook information that is not only included in the text but also in the illustration. This aspect of the novel made reading it that much more fulfilling. One of the major themes of the novel was the loss of innocence, due to this theme there were many great reveals throughout the novel. Small's attention to detail is the visual equivalent of a literary puzzle, he achieves what students are taught to hope to achieve in their writing.

David's first act of losing innocence begins in the hospital when he specifically rebels against his mother and encounters a fetus. As a child he did not know what this was and envisions the fetus staring at him until it begins to chase him away. Although not much was lost, Small's illustrations depict David's imagination to in a way work against him to force him to leave a place that he was not supposed to be. Later on, David's discovery that he had cancer becomes a major turning point in the novel as well as David's character development. This major reveal includes details in the illustration leading up to the event that gives hints to the reader that really express how Small must have experienced these events. With David’s discovery of his cancer Small leaves clues about the reveal, one clue was his mother’s kindness in the hospital one would only later realize that it was because she thought her son was dying and not just sick.  Other clues were in the illustration alone such as the key being left in the desk where his mother was writing the letter about his cancer. This provokes thought that clearly she wanted him to find out this way. All of these details also aid in character development, this specifically tells us what kind of person David’s mother is.

Other reveals in the novel include David’s therapist telling him that his mother does not love him as well as his discovery that his mother is a lesbian. Both of these reveals connect to the theme of loss of innocence and include details prior to that helps the reader understand the behavior of other characters, David’s mother specifically.

Creative Distractions

Much like David in Stitches: A Memoir, as a child I would often find solace in drawing when I was upset my something. Specifically I remember often when I was  punished for something (being mischievous as my mother would say), I would draw many sad faces all over my paper or reenact a more dramatic version of my punishment with my dolls. Usually after all that I would then become so distracted by what I was doing I would forget about the punishment I would start drawing happy things I would begin either trying to make clothes for my dolls or try giving them different ways to wear what they wear now.

I believe these activities shaped my life in a way that,  now when I'm older and something upsets me, I usually try to distract myself. I no longer draw or play with dolls, but now if I had a bad day I'll come home and perhaps make a skirt for myself. My creative outlet has becoming sewing and knitting, which perhaps was fueled by my liking of dolls and all the unique clothing each doll, In my opinion this is similar to David Small who clearly took solace in drawing and using his imagination, and then went on when he was older to write and illustrate novels. Based off of this it's east to assume that most children take their childhood escape and will usually allow it to develop into a lifetime skill or hobby.

The Big Blue's Clues Debacle

I significantly remember not having school one day and my mother taking me to my grandmother’s house, at my grandmother’s house she gave me a bunch of books. As a child I loved books and reading which my mother encouraged greatly so it was a really nice fun day. Especially since my grandmother always had that candy bowl filled with delicious mints. After my grandmother’s house we went to my aunt’s house, this was always fun for me because I was able to spend time with my favorite cousins. On this particular day my cousin was cleaning up her room and I had arrived and sat down with my bag full of books while I was sitting down she put a book down in my direction. I assumed that this book was for me and I put it with the rest of my books in my bag. After she cleaned up we spent the day playing games and trying to prank my other cousin while he did the same to us. When I got home I put all my books away to read later. My favorite of the pile was this particular Blue's Clues book, I remember re reading and enjoying all the flaps you could open. I recall going to my cousin’s house a month or two later and bringing the book with me so they could see how much fun it was. When I pulled out the book to show it to her she had an angry look and I didn't understand. The reason for this was that she had been looking for the book for a while and couldn't find and she was angry that I had "stolen" it. I was confused because I wasn't the type of person that stole things, I explained that I had thought she gave it to me but she didn't believe me she and my younger cousin didn't talk to me for a while because they were so mad. I remember them leaving me to sit alone and then seeing them in the living room reading the book together without me. I felt really bad and didn't know what to do. I don't remember how much time went by until she forgave me but I remember her offering to let me borrow it. Either our mothers settled it or she forgot about how angry she was.

This memory stands out to me because it was the first time my cousin didn't talk to me she said she wasn't my friend anymore. As a child that was one of the worst things you could say to someone. I Over time both of us grew to laugh at the memory and she told me she didn't even read the book much before.

After this happened I learned to always ask people "are you giving this to me?” I remember my mom telling me this after I told her what happened. According to my mother the only person that was giving me books that day was my grandmother. Looking back, as a child I often had moments like this where things would be a misunderstanding because I made sense of things myself and if it made to me sense, I did not feel the need to ask someone about it.